-- Rules To Life version 18.1 (12/03/06) --
-- www.digital-madman.com --
-- Adam J. Bailey --
-------------------------------COPYRIGHT 2006, AJB ----------------------------------

The rules to life is a rulebook to live your life out, this will
help all the people who wish there were a manual to life.
Well here it is....

Rule #1:
For every action, there's AT LEAST TWO equal and opposite
reactions. 

Rule #2:
No one really cares. 

Rule #3:
Life sucks, get a helmet.

Rule #4:
There will always be one mistake that will keep biting you
in the ass.

Rule #5:
Get rid of your dreams early, less disappointment later in life.

Rule #6:
Self-esteem is great, until you get a taste of reality.

Rule #7:
Beer, now there's a temporary solution.

Rule #8:
Live by the following verse from Adam's Lazyman's Handbook:

Thou couch is my temple,
Thy TV Guide is my bible,
And, remote my savior.

Rule #9:
You can give people the ability to think, but you can't make them use it. 

Rule #10:
Taxi drivers can speak 20 languages, except yours.

Rule #11: 
I wish I could see surprises coming.

Rule #12:
Hiroshima '45, Chernobyl '86, Windows '98

Rule #13:
If killing is so hard, then where are all the dead coming
 from.

Rule #14:
Overheard:
"I've lost my mind, and I don't want it back."

Rule #15: 
Windows, the Gates of hell.

Rule #16
Medication is the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

Rule #17
Don't do drugs named after part of your ass.

Rule #18
You can't drink "pop" music, but I wish you could flush it down the toilet.

Rule #19
Motivation is a bad excuse for not being lazy.

Rule #20
The Anarchists Cookbook is not a bible, but rather just a helpful guide.

Rule #21
Your not another brick in the wall, you're just a fly in the ointment.  

Rule #22
Catch. 

Rule #23
It's not the answer that is in question; it's just you.

Rule #24
The cheated buy a gun. The betrayed use it.

Rule #25
Helpful Hint:
Mothballs are not jawbreakers.

Rule #26
Excuse me?!?!? What's the cheat codes for Windows?

Rule #27
Everything has been done before, even the girl next door.

Rule #28
C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN.EXE

Rule #29
If the computer worked right the first time, it wouldn't be a computer.

Rule #30
We are born into a group, but we die alone.

Rule #31
No matter what you're doing, it's better than being at the DMV.

Rule #32
Rehab is for quitters.

Rule #33
Microsoft is to Software as McDonalds is to Fine Cuisine. 

Rule #34
In anyone's life, there are only three major events. Being born, falling
in love, and death.

Rule #35
What moron put the word "pal" in principal??

Rule #36
Life is like a box of condoms; it's too damn expensive.

Rule #37
Found in Local Newspaper Ad:

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Rule #38
Every man can teach you something, but mostly you learn how stupid humans are.

Rule #39
Man's real best friend is his hand.

Rule #40
Jesus? My superiority complex hasn't gone that far yet.

Rule #41:
Overheard:
"Their culture is different than ours, that makes it funny."

Rule #42
I tired snorting some coke once, but then I got an ice cube stuck in my nose.

Rule #43
Is the afterlife as fucked up as our normal lives?

Rule #44
Nothings new, nothing's old, it the end it's just nothing.

Rule #45
You should be thankful god put death at the end of life.

Rule #46
Set your life's for stun, good luck, God out...

Rule #47
Don't you just love eternal damnation?

Rule #48
Face it, you don't have friends. You just have people who tolerate you.

Rule #49
The best stress relief is giving it to everyone else.

Rule #50
The best sign of intelligent life in the universe is the fact that 
 it hasn't come here.

Rule #51
Real solitude is better than being alone in a crowd.

Rule #52
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All play and no work makes Jack a lazy fucker.

Rule #53
Is the grass greener on the other side if you're colorblind?

Rule #54
Violence does solve everything.

Rule #55
In my life, I find myself wishing I was here....

Rule #56
Scotty, beam me to a better life...

Rule #57
Question: Does God ever listen to his answering machine?

Rule #58
God is deaf, Hell is hot...

Rule #59
On a lighter note, don't use near gasoline.

Rule #60
Sense making anything is.

Rule #61
Spall chakcer wurks graet.

Rule #62
Try, try, and Fail again.

Rule #63
I think I can, I think I can, Aww... screw it!

Rule #64
Nintendo

Rule #65
Reminder to the Boss:
I'm never late, I simply have a "rescheduled arrival time".  

Rule #66 
Alcoholism, the only disease you can get yelled at for having.

Rule #67
Tommy Lee: All filler no thrill her...

Rule #68
As I look at our society, I understand why the clown cries.

Rule #69
Live by it.

Rule #70
Heaven is hell in the sky.

Rule #71
The punchline to the cosmic practical joke is that its endlessly repeating.

Rule #72
If quitters never win, and winners never quit. Who the hell came up with
that saying? 

Rule #73
You know society has gone to hell when some men think hookers are angels.

Rule #74
Who's more dangerous: The public or the police.

Rule #75
Helpful Hint:

All in all this is just another public service announcement no one will 
 take seriously.     

Rule #76
PC Error Message:
"Keyboard not found. Press F1 to continue."

Rule #77
Old sayings that always ring true:
Opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one.

Rule #78
If the ham is green, and the eggs are too. Then its time to throw them out.

Rule #79
Overheard:
"I believe in euthanasia! I BELIEVE in euthanasia..."

Rule #80
Men are never really in control, they just hold the remote.

Rule #81
You can plan for everything, except for whats going to happen.

Rule #82
Overheard
"If I'm a spring chicken, your a dead duck."

Rule #83
Overheard
"Hitler was right, some people don't deserve to live."

Rule #84
Sometimes you can see yourself going blind.

Rule #85
In someone else's day, things were always cheaper and better.

Rule #86
If you have one wish, why doesn't anyone wish for more?

Rule #87
If you give someone a chance, they'll bitch about anything. 

Rule #89
I can be positive 100% of the time with 50% accuracy, and a margin of error of 100%.

Rule #90
Judgements are only personal opinions.

Rule #91
If you could change one thing, it would be everyone else.

Rule #92
Question: If hell is hot, then is heaven cold?

Rule #93
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool
 me three times, shame on public education.

Rule #94
It does not matter if the glass is half empty or half full. It only matters
 were the water pitcher is.

Rule #95
Windows Sucks.

Rule #96
Overheard
"God is Satan on a bad day."

Rule #97
Cute and innocent means gulity first.

Rule #98
If I can catch a cold, why can't I throw it to someone else?

Rule #99
Three is never a crowd if one is a body.

Rule #100
It's not what or who you know. It's what you can prove.

Rule #101
Before the game is also after the game.

Rule #102
After the facts, all that is left is pure theory.

Rule #103
It doesn't matter if you wore it out, as long as you wore it well.

Rule #104
Question: Is immortality a curse or a gift?

Rule #105
If it's "new and improved", why is it worse than the original?

Rule #106
It's too late when you think it's too soon.

Rule #107
Dreams come from the denial of reality.

Rule #108
If there is a place where everyone can be happy, can I get some 
 directions?

Rule #109
You always miss what you wanted to leave behind.

Rule #110
To reach the stars, you must crawl there.

Rule #111
Panic, it could be better.

Rule #112
The smart see the truth, the stupid survive.

Rule #113
A desire will become a need.

Rule #114
Real friends and accomplices are one in the same.

Rule #115
To see it, is to hear it. To hear it, is the learn it. To learn it
 is to understand it. To understand it, is to hate it.

Rule #116
Any person that tells you it's alright is a liar.

Rule #117
You always snap before you show it.

Rule #118
Question: Who's keeping score here?

Rule #119
If she has issues, you will too.

Rule #120
When there is no truth in a statement, everyone believes it.

Rule #121
If you escape your past, do you ever get away?

Rule #122
If you are not dependant on other people, why are you still here?

Rule #123
If you leave it behind, it will find you later.

Rule #124
The darkside of the moon sounds like a good vacation spot to me.

Rule #125
Question: Isn't it sad, pathetic, and funny all at the same time?

Rule #126
I had a thought but then i lost it.

Rule #127
Fearlessness is a mask of hopelessness.

Rule #128
Overheard (Directed at a kid.)
"That's cute! Can it do any other tricks?"

Rule #129
Overheard
"Cheerleaders are dancers that have gone retarded."

Rule #130
Overheard
"IF I'm put on this earth to suffer, I demand to know why!"

Rule #131
Commmon Chat Room Manifesto:
I'm spall bettar druink.

Rule #132
If you don't hold people down, why the hell are you in my way.

Rule #133
To defend the innocent you must be guilty.

Rule #134
Understanding is the bane of existence.

Rule #135
Adam's new universal advice:
"Shut the fuck up!"

Rule #136
There is no question that hasn't been asked. But there is always a question
that's never been answered.

Rule #137
If everything ends, how can anything begin?

Rule #138
Windows does not respond to the "goto hell" command.

Rule #139
We live to die. We die to live.

Rule #140
The answer to 19 out of 20 questions is money.

Rule #141
The other answer is sex.

Rule #142
Adam's Law of Wal-Mart #1:
The 80-80 Rule
"Under 80 IQ or over 80 years old."

Rule #143
The cause of all world problems is religion.

Rule #144
All good things happen to all the wrong people.

Rule #145
Evil tragedies are a dime a dozen. Good deeds are few and far between.

Rule #146
It's so easy to find a cause to die for. But can you find one to live for?

Rule #147
Is physical suffering really worse than emotional suffering?

Rule #148
What interstate do I take to get to paradise?

Rule #149
Is suicide a cowards escape, or genius coming to terms with the reality of the world?

Rule #150
If you want to see the future, look in the rear view mirror.

Rule #151
Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Rule #152
With great power comes great opportunity to ABUSE that power.

Rule #153
Surveys show, that out of 100% of questions asked,
10% will yield honest answers.

Rule #154
Can I have the source code to the matrix?

Rule #155
I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you about you.

Rule #156
I'm old enough to forget and young enough not to remember.

Rule #157 
I have a dream, until I wake up.

Rule #158
Perfection is a harmony of imperfection.

Rule #159
Did I mention that was a perfect imperfect paradox?

Rule #160
I'm always in complete control, or at least thats what the crash dummy said.

Rule #161
I'm not crazy, I'm gleefully out of my mind.

Rule #162
This document is a conspiracy to commit conspiracy.

Rule #163
Smile... you can buy a gun.

Rule #164
Professional criminals get badges and uniforms.

Rule #165
Need Thrills? Got Prosaic? Self-Medicate!!

Rule #166
Opps! Brain hit a blue screen!

Rule #167
It was a nice delusion while I had it.

Rule #169
All I want out of life is a normal day.

Rule #170
Can I buy a stairway to sanity?

Rule #171
"I" before "E", except in Budweiser.

Rule #172
I swear I haven't lost my mind, I got a backup on CD here somewhere...

Rule #173
Simple Addition:
The IRS - The+IRS= THEIRS

Rule #174
Whatever the question, Linux and duct tape are the answers.

Rule #175
I rather not think God as dead, just passed out drunk.

Rule #176
We are just another corrupt government controlled police state.

Rule #177
My admission papers are a lie, the voices all tell me I'm fine.

Rule #178
Choosing not to have a choice is more choice than you are given.

Rule #179
Get ahead in life by destroying everything in a blind rage.

Rule #180
A single intelligent thought in a stupid mind is as dangerous as a nuclear bomb.

Rule #181
There's a big difference between "oops" and "oh shit".

Rule #182
A little competency goes a long way.

Rule #183
We came, We tried, and We fucked up...

Rule #184
I get chewed out more for being right than most people for being wrong.

Rule #185
You have to be 10% smarter than the item youre trying to use.

Rule #186
If I don't stab you, I'm kidding.

Rule #187
Do not mistake my indifference for not caring.

Rule #188
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.

Rule #189
Overheard:
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son of a bitch."

Rule #190
Just because you have majority rule doesn't mean your right.

Rule #191
Accepting reality is the leading cause of depression.

Rule #192
The oppressed will always kill the oppressors.

Rule #193
No seriously kids, its all about the drugs.

Rule #194
Radical thinking is the worlds most feared weapon.

Rule #195
In my life perception tells me its not that bad, when in reality it's worse.

Rule #196
Is it abnormal when normal is anything but normal?

Rule #197
Incoherent Randomness:
In Soviet Russia, Life Rules You!

Rule #198
To be God, all you have to do is destroy everything.

Rule #199
I can think a million thoughts, in the time it takes you to think one.

Rule #200
Offical W.M.D. Announcement:
Rules to Life is officially a Weapon of Mass Distraction!

Rule #201
Overheard
"I can piss faster than this!"

Rule #202
If a schizophrenic commits suicide can he be charged with homicide?

Rule #203
Which is worse? Something bad or something stupid happening.

Rule #204
Every emotion is an irrational one.

Rule #205
You lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drown itself.

Rule #206
Whats the point? There is no point, that itself is my point.

Rule #207
What I think; What I know; and what is in fact reality... are totally different things.

Rule #208
Adam's Definitions
Engineering - The art of adding undo complexity to simple tasks.

Rule #209
Adam's Definitions
Design - The art of taking logic and doing the complete opposite.

Rule #210
Rocket scientists are lying, its really not that hard.


______________________________________________
See Version 18.5 --- Coming Soon
Copyright 2006 Adam J. Bailey
www.digital-madman.com
All Rights Reserved

May not be reprinted, paper or electronically with out written
permission. May not be used for commerical purposes with out
written permission.